Apparently our ancestors were making and using sex toys as soon as they started walking upright and using tools. I’ve been seeing news articles about ancient dildos recently—and I wasn’t even looking for them!— so I’m sharing them with you.

It’s not a darning tool, it’s a very naughty toy: Roman dildo found

This dildo was found “in a ditch along with dozens of shoes and dress accessories as well as craft waste products such as leather off-cuts and worked antler“, so it was initially cataloged as a darning needle… possibly by “somebody uncomfortable with it or didn’t think the Romans would do such silly things.” Archeologists examining the object “had to cast our nets wide in thinking what would a six-and-a-half-inch wooden carving of a phallus be used for.” Really? They had to think that hard about it?

Wooden you like to use this dildo? Tap the photo to read the article

This Stone Penis Is 28,000 Years Old And Was (Probably) Used As Dildo In The Ice Age

I love how archeologists dance around the fact that our ancient ancestors were sexual beings. many of these objects have been found from the ice age, and cataloged as “batons”. Yep, that’s clearly what they were. [rolling eyes].
According to Professor Nicholas Conard of the University of Tübingen, the multi-purpose penis would’ve been used as a symbolic representation of male genitalia as well as for ‘knapping flints’ [banging two objects together to make tools].” Yep. I’m imagining an ice age tool-maker knocking two rocks together and thinking, “There’s got to be a better way to do this. Wait… what if I used a stone penis!” Later that night his wife shows 14 rock fragments and says, “What the hell did you do to my dildo?”

This dildo was hard as a rock! Tap the photo to read the article.

The 30,000 Year History Of The Dildo

Here’s an article on the history of dildos. Lots of interesting pictures and facts. And there’s a link at the bottom of the page to an article on the history of the vibrator!

Ow! That must have hurt! Tap the photo to read the article.

The long and satisfying 28,000-year history of the dildo

Here’s another historical essay on dildos from the past, with some notes on dildos in ancient Greece and in the Bible.

Double dildos are not a new invention! Tap the photo to read the article.

We hope you’ve enjoyed peek into the bedrooms of our ancestors. Now head to our store and see what’s new in modern sex toys! (No wooden or stone toys, we promise!)

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