S.’s Guide to Opening Up

This article was originally posted to the Handball Mailing List on May 13, 1997 by S. and reprinted with his permission.

Disclaimer: This is S's advice and opinions. As with anything else you read on the Internet, do your research, check your facts, and use what works best for you.


Opening Up as a Bottom

For the first 25 years of my sexually active life, in fisting terms I was solely a top. I would get a fist in me on about five different occasions and each time hated the experience. I now know why and it's all to do with the brain, the ability to relax and having the right top. Simple really!

First things first. In a fisting situation (much like S&M or whatever scene) the bottom has to realize the intention is to provide pleasure to both parties. I may not be the best person to choose for first time opening up as my largish hand size usually precludes actually getting in 'all the way' but I gain huge personal delight in at least starting to loosen up a butt. I have a few absolutes - and they revolve around contact. By that, I don't mean mere tactility, but also trying to find out what the bottom really wants. It is very important, to my way of thinking, not to just get the bottom lying there with his legs/butt in the air expecting instant entry. You have to have a basic sexual charge going on which makes the bottom relaxed to start with.

The trick from my perspective is to use two or three fingers in a continually revolving massaging technique and while doing it, TALK to the bottom and explain what is going on. The top should be trying to get into the bottom's mind, seeing what buttons are pressed, when and where, and then continue to evolve a strategy which has the right effect of making the butt muscles relax.

Many times, I find it imperative to talk the bottom into understanding just how much power he has in getting the brain to differentiate between perceived pleasure and what sometimes feels like invasion. The butt muscles are controlled by the brain and it's important to get the brain to tell the muscles that they are allowed to open and relax even if it feels like the total opposite. It is pointless, to my way of thinking, to just push and push - part of the pleasure to me, in a top situation, is to inwardly and quite subtly massage those inner sphincters (OK, I know we get the name wrong and there are technically no inner, or number 2/3 sphincters but you get my drift). It is a huge, huge pleasure to feel them gradually relax while the hand is rotated gently into areas which give the bottom a sensation of pleasure.

At the same time, eye contact is vital - it's the only way of understanding when and if things are going in the right direction - or otherwise. Some folks tend to not understand the action of movement, this is especially true of inexperienced tops, and it is wrong to merely use force or pressure to push a clenched or open hand inwards when much greater space (and thus depth) can be attained by constant changes of direction and angle. It is only when the butt has opened up around the entrance that further depth can be gained. There is no point in having a bottom uncomfortable with a still tight "hole" and expecting to get further. Once the dreaded knuckle has been reached, plenty of patience is required for newbies, and patience is something I have in bucket loads.

At that point, with a keen-to-please bottom, problems can arise, and again it has to be stressed that, and as I ALWAYS say in these situations, THIS IS NOT A COMPETITION! The top should be changing the shape of his hand at all times, trying to make the knuckle smaller or even opening the hand out and constantly stretching to make more space. The bottom can try clamping down on the hand and then relaxing, repeating over and over again. He can also start doing deep breathing exercises - taking very deep breaths and holding it for a few seconds before letting it out with a major push. This usually allows things to open out nicely. Likewise, pretending that he's having a major dump can help. Each way around, it is up to the top to encourage and point out, every time the bottom manages to relax a particular muscle, just what it was that happened and try to get the bottom to repeat whatever it was he just did.